Pick Me! Pick Me!

When I checked DailyWrit today, I cannot even begin to describe how utterly shocked I was at not seeing any posts about Ann Coulter. I mean, I figured Tex would at least have something hilarious to say. So I quickly rainchecked the topic…

Yao: how come nobody has written about ann coulter on dailywrit
Yao: can i do it? please please?
Kedar: sure
Kedar: go ahead

I’m not usually this excited about writing a long rant aimed at defecating all over the public image of a conservative pundit. So why did this one seem so delicious? Could it be that it’s impossible to further devalue Ann Coulter’s credibility? Is it the fact that Ann Coulter’s image already looks like someone has literally defecated all over it? Perhaps.

Let me give you a quick (and I mean quick) recap of what has taken place in the last few days. Ann Coulter said that she hoped John Edwards would be killed in a terrorist assasination plot. John Edwards took notice, sent out emails to his supporters, and started getting copious quantities of donations from them. Ann Coulter appears on MSNBC Tuesday night. Elizabeth Edwards calls in during the show to ask Coulter to shut up, and Coulter says that she’ll shut up if Edwards stops making money off her stupidity.

Edwards exploting the hilarity that is Ann Coulter is something we all have to commend. If you’re a Democrat, you love using Ann Coulter as an excuse for donating money to perhaps the most liberal candidate that has a shot in this election. If you’re a Republican, you applaud John Edwards’ keen business sense, spotting a glorious opportunity when given one. If you’re a Green party supporter, then you…well I guess you’re irrelevant.

You may recall a while back when our dear beloved Ann referred to Edwards as a “faggot”. HA! I haven’t heard that word since maybe circa 4th grade, and that’s being generous. Does Ann Coulter deserve a public verbal beating for that? No. A more appropriate punishment would be a grounding, which would include a mild spanking and an early bedtime for the rest of the week. You can tell I’m going to be the greatest parent, ever.

But c’mon! People who take Ann Coulter too seriously are out of their minds, and this includes John Edwards. This is the same woman who compard Obama to a terrorist because his middle name is Hussein. Creative, silly girl, but just a tad bit off the mark. She also made fun of Hillary Clinton’s legs. Look, this is how I know Ann Coulter is too vacuous to be taken seriously: if the best thing you can come up with against Hillary Clinton is an insult about her legs, then you’re in a world of trouble. Plus, you probably single-handedly just proved that evolution doesn’t exist.

OK, so I’ll grant that John Edwards kind of has to take this seriously; claiming that Ann Coulter is a comedic genius doesn’t quite bring in the donations. But the people who actually pay attention to Ann Coulter are the ones who are so hardcore conservative that they have absolutely no chance of voting Democrat in 2008. These may also be people who still lynch African-Americans, but that’s a whole other issue.

The point is that we should stop taking Ann Coulter too seriously. I’m not saying ignore the poor girl…she clearly has a lot on her mind and it’s worth our time to scour the shenanigans that are emitted from her mouth and look for the nuggets of pure nonsensical hilarity. But don’t get your panties all in a bunch, because Ann Coulter is not an educated, informed, and helpful source of information. She is a clown of the first order, and she should be treated with only the highest level of laughter.

Of course, there is a bright side to every story, and it’s no different with this one. The fact that someone of Ann Coulter’s ability received a law degree from the University of Michigan gives me hope that someday I will fly through law school without doing any work. And maybe I’ll land on the moon, too.

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