Antonin Scalia was caught fawning over the glory of Jack Bauer. Enjoy:

The conservative jurist stuck up for Agent Bauer, arguing that fictional or not, federal agents require latitude in times of great crisis. “Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. … He saved hundreds of thousands of lives,” Judge Scalia said. Then, recalling Season 2, where the agent’s rough interrogation tactics saved California from a terrorist nuke, the Supreme Court judge etched a line in the sand.

“Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. “Say that criminal law is against him? ‘You have the right to a jury trial?’ Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don’t think so. “So the question is really whether we believe in these absolutes. And ought we believe in these absolutes.”

Generally, the jurists in the room agreed that coerced confessions carry little weight, given that they might be false and almost never accepted into evidence. But the U.S. Supreme Court judge stressed that he was not speaking about putting together pristine prosecutions, but rather, about allowing agents the freedom to thwart immediate attacks.

“I don’t care about holding people. I really don’t,” Judge Scalia said.

Even if a real terrorist who suffered mistreatment is released because of complaints of abuse, Judge Scalia said, the interruption to the terrorist’s plot would have ensured “in Los Angeles everyone is safe.” During a break from the panel, Judge Scalia specifically mentioned the segment in Season 2 when Jack Bauer finally figures out how to break the die-hard terrorist intent on nuking L.A. The real genius, the judge said, is that this is primarily done with mental leverage. “There’s a great scene where he told a guy that he was going to have his family killed,” Judge Scalia said. “They had it on closed circuit television – and it was all staged. … They really didn’t kill the family.”

I think these phrases are definitely the phrases of someone who believes in adhering to the constitution (Jack Bauer):

“Tell me where the bomb is or I will kill your son.”

“I don’t want to bypass the Constitution, but these are extraordinary circumstances.”

“If we want to procure any information from this suspect, we’re going to have to do it behind closed doors.”

“I’m talking about doing what’s necessary to stop this warhead from being used against us.”

“When I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish that you felt this good again.”

Is Justice Scalia the coolest justice ever? I do believe so….


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