ABC News will never cease to entertain. After a wonderfully biased article glorifying their recent win in the ratings battle, they post a rather ridiculous article about fourth-party candidates in the 2008 elections.

Best parts of the article:

Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey is running for president as the candidate for the Vampire, Witches and Pagan Party.

Sharkey is running on an “impale criminals” platform.

Gunzburger has a few theories on why the outsiders run. “I think some of them have sincere messages and contribute to the debate,” he said. “Some of them are the class clowns who miss the attention since high school finished. And some are running because mom told them they are special, and they believe it still.”

Sharkey claims he’s “in it to win it.” Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., used the same line in her announcement, but Sharkey is willing to share. He said he would welcome Mrs. Clinton as a running mate. “I expect to win because I think the American people are tired of living in fear,” Sharkey said. “America has a chance to put somebody in office that people will fear.”

He recognizes his downfalls — being a Satanist for one — but he thinks the American people will respond to him “once they get past the fact that I’m a non-Christian. Actually I’m anti-Christian.”

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